When I think about my first kiss… I still get all giddy and happy. I might have been just another kiss to you but to me it was special… I liked the idea and the feel of your lips against mine… The connection I thought I felt was wonderful, but to you it probably wasn’t even there… I felt special… Wanted… Loved… But obviously I wasn’t… Oh well.

Retrospect

Looking back, at my Middle school days. I was more reserved, shy and quiet back then. I never had much to say. But I’d always have a smile on my face. According to fellow peers. One time this random girl came up to me, and asked me, ‘Why are you always smiling?’ I answered, ‘Oh I was smiling.’ Looking back, I think a better answer would be, ‘Why not?’ No one really cares that you’re sad. Of course your friends care. But random strangers don’t, they’d be all, ‘stop crying and grow up.’ (and of course they wouldn’t say that but they’d think it.) So smile. A complete stranger came up to me, to ask why I seem so happy all the time. 

Does Heartbreak really feel as bad as it sound?

Yes. Yes it does. And it literally sucks dick. The person you have strong feelings for, decides to do something, that completely breaks you… It hurts you so much, you can’t believe it, but you know it’s true… You’re thrown into a state of confusion, and you try to connect all the pieces, what went wrong… what you might have done wrong… why you… The tears in the pillow… The Clouded thoughts… The endless torture to yourself… But you eventually realize, you have to be strong for yourself and move along. Besides, someone is dying to see you smile again.

Late Night Thoughts

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‘How are you?’

You’ll always get the same answers from me: ‘I’m fine. :3’ or ‘I’m just tired c:’

But you can obviously tell everything’s not just dandy or that I’m only tired. Well I know that’s true and all. But if I tried to actually answer your question. How do I start? Where do I start? because honestly I don’t really know why I’m always like this… Maybe I am sincerely tired but I feel there’s more to it… Since I can’t explain my feelings and reasoning behind my mood. I could say what’s always on my mind… School. Grades. Family. Friends. My Future. A Significant other. My Past. They always cloud my thoughts. and I’m guessing it’s the reason I seem depressed and irritable from time to time. But who really cares…

Lost in the Music

    I always listen to music. It’s a daily essential for me. Especially on bad days, sitting there in deep thought, a good song comes along, and you get lost in it. With the beat, the lyrics, and the voice of the singer. It’s beautiful. It takes me away from my problems, and I find myself singing and (sometimes) dancing, but it’s a great stress relieve. Just me, myself, and Music. Indulging myself, with the right song, can brighten my mood and bring a smile to my face. (from the stupid things i do by myself, like dancing LOL) But Music has always been there for me, through thick and thin and in any situation, and it’s nice to get lost in it and get away from everything. :3 

Rambling Thoughts

while getting ready for bed

• Oh I only ate one meal today
• oh well time to sleep
• the hour loss, is taking a toll on me
• but it’ss only one hour…
• who’s dirty clothes are these?
• oh sneaky kapri
• ohp uniform day tomorrow
• what am i listening to?
• why _________ ___ __?
• people do hate me…
• life sucks butt
• back to my depression
• i thought i was done with it
• guess not
• ugh i have a spanish presentation… and i’m in uniform
• i hate being sick…
• oh cool. i only had one assignment this weekend
• i guess i could try and sleep now…

i know they’ll continue as i try to sleep…

‘Where do broken hearts go?’

What do you mean where do they go? They stay with you. It never leaves and you know it. You can feel the pain of the broken heart lingering behind you. You leave it there and drag it along… afraid to go back, pick it up and fix it because the same thing might happen again anyways. Someone winning your heart… and breaking it in the end, and taking a piece with them, but the only decision you have is how big a piece you let them take and from now and to forever they’ll have a special spot in your heart big or small.. it’s up to you. Now with what you have left of your broken heart, you continue to drag. Waiting for someone to put the effort to pick it up for you, fix it and give it back, and if they really have feelings for you they might even give you a piece of theirs, and they’ll know they’ll have a very special place in your heart. <3

Masking…

Smiling, pretending like nothings wrong. Laughter covers the depression. While the smile hides the tears. Your speech lies saying I’m fine but deep down you know the truth, that you’re not. Your body language is normal but your heart shivers with pain. You manage to mask every little thing so no one will worry about you. But the only thing you can’t truly mask is your eyes. We’re all waiting for that one person to look you in the eyes and say, ‘I know you’re not alright.’ and gives you a deep meaningful hug. Not that your eyes gleam from unborn tears. But looking into your eyes, looking past the smile, the laughter, your physical appearance and more into your well-being, your true feelings, your soul and seeing that you’re hurt…